Nothing Happened



It’s About Time

My new collection, Clocks, will be published by Black Scat Books on January 28. From the publisher:

Clocks is literary Vaudeville, a stage where slapstick philosophy performs a high-wire act – wrestles with time and mortality. This major collection of comic tales is laced with insight and absurdist angst.

I’m thrilled to have these particular tales collected in one volume. Many have been published elsewhere, many were written with this collection in mind, but they all deal with mortality and personal identity over time and are as true to me as anything I’ve written.


The Late Monsieur Perec

31-08-2017 2-36-21 PMThe September issue of Le Scat Noir has just been published and I am pleased to report that it contains my short story The Late Monsieur Perec. It also contains this very cool title graphic. I’ve said this before but it’s worth saying again. Any time I see my name in print alongside the likes of Derek Pell and Rhys Hughes I always feel chuffed.

Along with Hughes and Pell, this issue contains contributions from Mark Axelrod, Paulo Brito, Theodore Carter, Tom La Farge, Nick Frost, the amazing Eckhard Gerdes, Jim Johnson, Carl Nenzen Loven, Harry Mccullagh, Susan NP4,  Raymond Queneau, Paul Rosheim,  Gail Schneider, Mercie Pedro e Silva,  and the multi-talented Doug Skinner.

You can download Le Scat Noir #227 here. The issue is, as always, completely free, so why not make a small donation to the creative cause while you’re at it!

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01-08-2017 9-02-48 AMThe Chat Noir days of August are finally here. That means, among other things, that a new issue of Le Scat Noir has arrived. For the record, it’s the 226th time a new issue of Le Scat Noir has arrived. If you haven’t read it yet, you should. It is the only free journal of its kind in America (and Canada as far as I know. While we’re at it, let’s just assume Mexico too, and then North America’s covered).

The August instalment includes my short piece, “Synonymy”, which is ridiculous, ludicrous, preposterous, absurd, silly, outlandish, outrageous, bizarre and completely unreasonable. Don’t blame me though, blame Norman Conquest. I know I do!

You can download your copy of Le Scat Noir here. Remember, it’s free and, despite the presence of my story, the content quality is top notch!



08-07-2017 10-15-32 AMThe July Patriophysics issue of Le Scat Noir (#225) is now available. What, you ask, is patriophysics? You’ll need to read LSN to find out. It contains an excellent piece on Dr. Max Dortwurst, and his innovative PPM. Suffice to say, Dr. Dortwurst is very likely the reason you blindly love your country today!

Issue #225 also contains a patriophysical adventure I wrote called ‘The Other Side of the Fence,’ which features my recurring heroes Daniil Ivanovich Yuvachev and Alexander Ivanovich Vvedensky in their first visit to the good ol’ U.S. of A. It asks the question, “is it better to live free in a cardboard box underneath a bridge or in a correctional labour camp on the Solovetsky Islands,” and also “are you truly free until you have the opportunity and the means to kill for a typewriter?”

As ever, Le Scat Noir contains art and literature crafted by exceptionally talented individuals including: Allain Arias-Misson, Paulo Brito, Norman Conquest, Eckhard Gerdes, Harold Jaffe, Alfred Jarry, Richard Kostelanetz, Terri Lloyd, Derek Pell, Paul Rosheim, Mercie Pedro e Silva, and the multi-talented Doug Skinner!

A Slapstick Tragedy

I recently submitted a 62 word short story entitled “Time Slips Away (A 62 Word Slapstick Tragedy) to a 62 word short story contest. I’m pleased to say that this absurd little story placed 9th out of 110 entries. Trust me, given the fact that the slapstick tragedy genre is exactly 62 words long, 9th place is a pretty big deal! Here it is in it’s 62 word entirety:


Time Slips Away (A 62 Word Slapstick Comedy)

I was at the corner of Keil and Riverview eating a banana yesterday. When I finished it, I dropped the peel on the sidewalk. As luck would have it, Time happened by and stepped on it. He promptly slipped away with the peel impossibly stuck to the bottom of his foot. Now, with each passing day, Time slips further and further away.


Le Scat Noir

01-06-2017 10-03-00 AMSubmitting stories to Le Scat Noir is something I enjoy doing. Not only is it a top drawer journal that provides my weird imagination with a fitting playground, its (other) regular contributors are amongst the most creative and innovative writers and artists I know. It really boosts my ego when I see my name alongside the likes of Alphonse Allais, Doug Skinner, Paul Rosheim, Eckhard Gerdes and Paulo Brito. To be included in the shenanigans of Teri Lloyd and Derek Pell is always something that makes the mundane day-to-day world more bearable.

If you’ve not read Le Scat Noir you really should – and not just because it’s free. You should read it because it’s an amazing example of unbridled creativity and wit. I’m pleased (and extremely fortunate) to call myself a frequent contributor to this journal. I’m proud to be a part of it, and pleased to see my short piece, “A Pointless Story” included in its June offering. You can read it here!